Who am I when there is no one around? I know who I want to be, My goals and aspirations...
I also know well the anxiety I feel when I don't see that person in myself.
there are many times when I want to ( and have in the past), scream out "why God ?! Why me ?!" Wheather it is the "me" of 15, 18, or 30, there I am; wondering," Why can't I be the person I want to be?! ".
Then I realized that I am trying to re-program myself, if you will. God has already decided who I am. All I have to do, is let the master artist create, and I know that the final result is going to be a person I thought I could never become, results I could not now comprehend! 
Unfortunatly I also realised that the path to becoming this person is filled with canyons and deserts. But I am not alone, He IS there, Jesus, encouraging me, giving me what I will need to endure whatever waits ahead of me;giving me the tools and weapons to fight for my life.
I remember being 15, and going to the youthgroup my brother David used to take us to . I remember singing a song that is still one of my favorites. Everytime I sang it, I made it THE prayer of my heart..." Mold me and Make me, please make me like you". I meant those words with everything i was. I was beyond desperate for God. I kept hearing about how God is so gracious and loving. but I couldn't feel him, or see him in my 15 yr old life, anywhere. I used to scream out at Him with enexplainable anguish, " Where are You?!!!"  All around me was such utter darkness and lonliness I was convinced that God just  couldn't be anywhere near me.
What I didn't know was that He was there, behind the scenes, working, even when I couldn't see Him.That is, Until I made the choice to tear my wall down. As He went through each heartbreak along with me,He WAS molding me and  shaping me, for He knows who I am, even when I do not.